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23. As the day now approached on which she was to depart this life
(which day Thou knewest, we did not), it fell out Thou, as I
believe, by Thy secret ways arranging it that she and I stood
alone, leaning in a certain window, from which the garden of the house
we occupied at Ostia could be seen; at which place, removed from the
crowd, we were resting ourselves for the voyage, after the fatigues of
a long journey. We then were conversing alone very pleasantly; and,
"forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto
those things which are before," we were seeking between ourselves in
the presence of the Truth, which Thou art, of what nature the
eternal life of the saints would be, which eye hath not seen, nor ear
heard, neither hath entered into the heart of man. But yet we opened
wide the mouth of our heart, after those supernal streams of Thy
fountain, "the fountain of life," which is "with Thee; " that
being sprinkled with it according to our capacity, we might in some
measure weigh so high a mystery.
24. And when our conversation had arrived at that point, that the
very highest pleasure of the carnal senses, and that in the very
brightest material light, seemed by reason of the sweetness of that
life not only not worthy of comparison, but not even of mention, we,
lifting ourselves with a more ardent affection towards "the
Selfsame," did gradually pass through all corporeal things, and even
the heaven itself, whence sun, and moon, and stars shine upon the
earth; tea, we soared higher yet by inward musing, and discoursing,
and admiring Thy works; and we came to our own minds, and went beyond
them, that we might advance as high as that region of unfailing
plenty, where Thou feedest Israel for ever with the food of truth,
and where life is that Wisdom by whom all these things are made, both
which have been, and which are to come; and she is not made, but is
as she hath been, and so shall ever be; yea, rather, to "haVe
been," and "to be hereafter," are not in her, but only "to be,"
seeing she is eternal, for to "have been" and "to be hereafter" are
not eternal. And while we were thus speaking, and straining after
her, we slightly touched her with the whole effort of our heart; and
we sighed, and there left bound "the first-fruits of the Spirit;"
and returned to the noise of our own mouth, where the word uttered has
both beginning and end. And what is like unto Thy Word, our Lord,
who remaineth in Himself without becoming old, and "maketh all things
new"?
25. We were saying, then, If to any man the tumult of the flesh
were silenced, silenced the phantasies of earth, waters, and air,
silenced, too, the poles; yea, the very soul be silenced to
herself, and go beyond herself by not think ing of
herself, silenced fancies and imaginary revelations, every tongue,
and every sign, and whatsoever exists by passing away, since, if any
could hearken, all these say, "We created not ourselves, but were
created by Him who abideth for ever:" If, having uttered this,
they now should be silenced, having only quickened our ears to Him who
created them, and He alone speak not by them, but by Himself, that
we may hear His word, not by fleshly tongue, nor angelic voice, nor
sound of thunder, nor the obscurity of a similitude, but might hear
Him Him whom in these we love without these, like as we two now
strained ourselves, and with rapid thought touched on that Eternal
Wisdom which remaineth over all. If this could be sustained, and
other visions of a far different kind be withdrawn, and this one
ravish, and absorb, and envelope its beholder amid these inward joys,
so that his life might be eternally like that one moment of knowledge
which we now sighed after, were not this "Enter thou into the joy of
Thy Lord"? And when shall that be? When we shall all rise again;
but all shall not be changed?
26. Such things was I saying; and if not after this manner, and
in these words, yet, Lord, Thou knowest, that in that day when we
were talking thus, this world with all its delights grew contemptible
to us, even while we spake. Then said my mother, "Son, for
myself, I have no longer any pleasure in aught in this life. What I
want here further, and why I am here, I know not, now that my hopes
in this world are satisfied. There was indeed one thing for which I
wished to tarry a little in this life, and that was that I might see
thee a Catholic Christian before I died? My God has exceeded this
abundantly, so that I see thee despising all earthly felicity, made
His servant, what do I here?"
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