|
17. Even as a boy I had heard of eternal life promised to us
through the humility of the Lord our God condescending to our pride,
and I was signed with the sign of the cross, and was seasoned with
His salt x even from the womb of my mother, who greatly trusted in
Thee. Thou sawest, O Lord, how at one time, while yet a boy,
being suddenly seized with pains in the stomach, and being at the point
of death Thou sawest, O my God, for even then Thou wast my
keeper, with what emotion of mind and with what faith I solicited from
the piety of my mother, and of Thy Church, the mother of us all,
the baptism of Thy Christ, my Lord and my God. On which, the
mother of my flesh being much troubled, since she, with a heart
pure in Thy faith, travailed in birth more lovingly for my eternal
salvation, would, had I not quickly recovered, have without
delay provided for my initiation and washing by Thy life-giving
sacraments, confessing Thee, O Lord Jesus, for the remission of
sins. So my cleansing was deferred, as if I must needs, should I
live, be further polluted; because, indeed, the guilt contracted by
sin would, after baptism, be greater and more perilous. Thus I at
that time believed with my mother and the whole house, except my
father; yet he did not overcome the influence of my mother's piety in
me so as to prevent my believing in Christ, as he had not yet believed
in Him. For she was desirous that Thou, O my God, shouldst be my
Father rather than he; and in this Thou didst aid her to overcome her
husband, to whom, though the better of the two, she yielded
obedience, because in this she yielded obedience to Thee, who dost so
command.
18. I beseech Thee, my God, I would gladly know, if it be Thy
will, to what end my baptism was then deferred? Was it for my good
that the reins were slackened, as it were, upon 'me for me to sin?
Or were they not slackened? If not, whence comes it that it is still
dinned into our ears on all sides, "Let him alone, let him act as he
likes, for he is not yet baptized But as regards bodily health, no
one exclaims, "Let him be more seriously wounded, for he is not yet
cured!" How much better, then, had it been for me to have been
cured at once; and then, by my own and my friends' diligence, my
soul's restored health had been kept safe in Thy keeping, who gavest
it! Better, in truth. But how numerous and great waves of
temptation i appeared to hang over me after my childhood :These were
foreseen by my mother; and she preferred that the unformed clay should
be exposed to them rather than the image itself.
|
|