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23. And I marvelled that I now loved Thee, and no phantasm
instead of Thee. And yet I did not merit to enjoy my God, but was
transported to Thee by Thy beauty, and presently torn away from Thee
by mine own weight, sinking with grief into these inferior things.
This weight was carnal custom. Yet was there a remembrance of Thee
with me; nor did I any way doubt that there was one to whom I might
cleave, but that I was not yet one who could cleave unto Thee; for
that the body which is corrupted presseth down the soul, and the
earthly dwelling weigheth down the mind which thinketh upon many
things? And most certain I was that Thy "invisible things from the
creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things
that are made, even Thy eternal power and Godhead." For,
inquiring whence it was that I admired the beauty of bodies whether
celestial or terrestrial, and what supported me in judging correctly on
things mutable, and pronouncing, "This should be thus, this not,
", inquiring, then, whence I so judged, seeing I did so
judge, I had found the unchangeable and true eternity of Truth,
above my changeable mind. And thus, by degrees, I passed from
bodies to the soul, which makes use of the senses of the body to
perceive; and thence to its inward faculty, to which the bodily senses
represent outward things, and up to which reach the capabilities of
beasts; and thence, again, I passed on to the reasoning faculty,
unto which whatever is received from the senses of the body is referred
to be judged, which also, finding itself to be variable in me, raised
itself up to its own intelligence, and from habit drew away my
thoughts, withdrawing itself from the crowds of contradictory
phantasms; that so it might find out that light by which it was
besprinkled, when, without all doubting, it cried out, "that the
unchangeable was to be preferred before the changeable;" whence also
it knew that unchangeable, which, unless it had in some way known, it
could have had no sure ground for preferring it to the changeable. And
thus, with the flash of a trembling glance, it arrived at that which
is. And then I saw Thy invisible things understood by the things
that are made? But I was not able to fix my gaze thereon; and my
infirmity being beaten back, I was thrown again on my accustomed
habits, carrying along with me naught but a loving memory thereof, and
an appetite for what I had, as it were, smelt the odour of, but was
not yet able to eat.
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