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43. There is another evil of the day that I would were
"sufficient" unto it.' For by eating and drinking we repair the
daily decays of the body, until Thou destroyest both food and
stomach, when Thou shall destroy my want with an amazing satiety, and
shalt clothe this corruptible with an eternal incorruption. But now is
necessity sweet unto me, and against this sweetness do I fight, lest
I be enthralled; and I carry on a daily war by fasting. oftentimes
"bringing my body into subjection,". and my pains are expelled by
pleasure. For hunger and thirst are in some sort pains; they consume
and destroy like unto a fever, unless the medicine of nourishment
relieve us. The which, since it is at hand through the comfort we
receive of Thy gifts, with which land and water and air serve our
infirmity, our calamity is called pleasure.
44. This much hast Thou taught me, that I should bring myself to
take food as medicine. But during the time that I am passing from the
uneasiness of want to the calmness of satiety, even in the very passage
doth that snare of concupiscence lie in wait for me. For the passage
itself is pleasure, nor is there any other way of passing thither,
whither necessity compels us to pass. And whereas health is the reason
of eating and drinking, there joineth itself as an hand-maid a
perilous delight, which mostly tries to precede it, in order that I
may do for her sake what I say I do, or desire to do, for health's
sake. Nor have both the same limit; for what is sufficient for health
is too little for pleasure. And oftentimes it is doubtful whether it
be the necessary care of the body which still asks nourishment, or
whether a sensual snare of desire offers its ministry. In this
uncertainty does my unhappy soul rejoice, and therein prepares an
excuse as a defence, glad that it doth not appear what may be
Sufficient for the moderation of health, that so under the pretence of
health it may conceal the business of pleasure. These temptations do
I daily endeavour to resist, and I summon Thy right hand. to my
help, and refer my excitements to Thee, because as yet I have no
resolve in this matter.
45. I hear the voice of my God commanding, let not "your hearts
be overcharged with surfeiting and drunkenness.. "Drunkenness," it
is far from me; Thou wilt have mercy, that it approach not near unto
me. But "surfeiting" sometimes creepeth upon Thy servant; Thou
wilt have mercy, that it may be far from me. For no man can be
continent unless Thou give it. Many things which we pray for dost
Thou give us; and what good soever we receive before we prayed for
it, do we receive from Thee, and that we might afterwards know this
did we receive it from Thee. Drunkard was I never, but I have
known drunkards to be made sober men by Thee. Thy doing, then, was
it, that they who never were such might not be so, as from Thee it
was that they who have been so heretofore might not remain so always;
and from Thee, too was it, that both might know from whom it was. I
heard another voice of Thine, "Go not after thy lusts, but refrain
thyself from thine appetites. And by Thy favour have I heard this
saying likewise, which I have much delighted in, "Neither if we
eat, are we the better; neither if we eat not, are we the worse;".
which is to say, that neither shall the one make me to abound, nor the
other to be wretched. I heard also another voice, "For I have
learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content, I know
both how to be abased, and I know how to abound . . . . I can do
all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.. Lo! a soldier of
the celestial camp -not dust as we are. But remember, O Lord,
"that we are dust, and that of dust Thou hast created man. and he
"was lost, and is found.'. Nor could he do this of his own power,
seeing that he whom I so loved, saying these things through the
afflatus of Thy inspiration, was of that same dust. "I can,"
saith he, "do all things through Him which strengtheneth me..
Strengthen me, that I may be able. Give what Thou commandest, and
command what Thou wilt.s He confesses to have received, and when he
glorieth, he glorieth in the Lord. Another have I heard entreating
that he might receive, " Take from me," saith he, "the
greediness of the belly; by which it appeareth, O my holy God, that
Thou givest when what Thou commandest to be done is done.
46. Thou hast taught me, good Father, that "unto the pure all
things are pure;". but "it is evil for that man who eateth with
offence; ". "and that every creature of Thine is good, and nothing
to be refused, if it be received with, thanksgiving;". and that
"meat commendeth us not to God;". and that no man should "judge us
in meat or in drink;". and that he that eateth, let him not despise
him that eateth not; and let not him that eateth not judge him that
eateth.
These things have I learned, thanks and praise be unto Thee, O my
God and Master, who dost knock at my ears and enlighten my heart;
deliver me out of all temptation. It is not the uncleanness of meat
that I fear, but the uncleanness of lusting. I know that permission
was granted unto Noah to eat every kind of flesh . that was good for
food; that Elias was fed with flesh; that John, endued with a
wonderful abstinence, was not polluted by the living creatures (that
is, the locusts20) which he fed on. I know, too, that Esau was
deceived by a longing for lentiles, and that David took blame to
himself for desiring water, and that our King was tempted not by flesh
but bread.. And the people in the wilderness, therefore, also
deserved reproof, not because they desired flesh, but because, in
their desire for food, they murmured against the Lord.
47. Placed, then, in the midst of these temptations, I strive
daily against longing for food and drink. For it is not of such a
nature as that I am able to resolve to cut it off once for all, and
not touch it afterwards, as I was able to do with concubinage. The
bridle of the throat, therefore, is to be held in the mean of
slackness and tightness.. And who, O Lord, is he who is not in
some degree carried away beyond the bounds of necessity? Whoever he
is, he is great; let him magnify Thy name. But I am not such a
one, "for I am a sinful man." Yet do I also magnify Thy name;
and He who hath "overcome the world". maketh intercession to Thee
for my sins, accounting me among the "feeble members" of His body,
because Thine eyes saw that of him which was imperfect; and in Thy
book all shall be written?
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