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58. Shall we, then, account this too amongst such things as are to
be lightly esteemed, or shall anything restore us to hope, save Thy
complete mercy, since Thou hast begun to change us? And Thou
knowest to what extent Thou hast already changed me, Thou who first
healest me of the lust of vindicating myself, that so Thou mightest
forgive all my remaining "iniquities," and heal all my "diseases,"
and redeem my life from corruption, and crown me with
"loving-kindness and tender mercies," and satisfy my desire with
"good things;" x who didst restrain my pride with Thy fear, and
subdue my neck to Thy "yoke." And now I bear it, and it is
"light. unto me, because so hast Thou promised, and made it, and
so in truth it was, though I knew it not, when I feared to take it
up. But, O Lord,-Thou who alone reignest without pride, because
Thou art the only true Lord, who hast no lord, hath this third
kind of temptation left me, or can it leave me during this life?
59. The desire to be feared and loved of men, with no other view
than that I may experience a joy therein which is no joy, is a
miserable life, and unseemly ostentation. Hence especially it arises
that we do not love Thee, nor devoutly fear Thee. And therefore
dost Thou resist the proud, but givest grace unto the humble; and
Thou thunderest upon the ambitious designs of the world, and "the
foundations of the hills" tremble. Because now certain offices of
human society render it necessary to be loved and feared of men, the
adversary of our true blessedness presseth hard upon us, everywhere
scattering his snares of "well done, well done;" that while
acquiring them eagerly, we may be caught unawares, and disunite our
joy from Thy truth, and fix it on the deceits of men; and take
pleasure in being loved and feared, not for Thy sake, but in Thy
stead, by which means, being made like unto him, he may have them as
his, not in harmony of love, but in the fellowship of punishment; who
aspired to exalt his throne in the north. that dark and cold they might
serve him, imitating Thee in perverse and distorted ways. But we,
O Lord, lo, we are Thy "little flock; . do Thou possess us,
stretch Thy wings over us, and let us take refuge under them. Be
Thou our glory; let us be loved for Thy sake, and Thy word feared
in us. They who desire to be commended of men when Thou blamest,
will not be defended of men when Thou judgest; nor will they be
delivered when Thou condemnest. But when not the sinner is praised in
the desires of his soul, nor he blessed who doeth unjustly. but a man
is praised for some gift that Thou hast bestowed upon him, and he is
more gratified at the praise for himself, than that he possesses the
gift for which he is. praised, such a one is praised while Thou
blamest. And better truly is he who praised than the one who was
praised. For the gift of God in man was pleasing to the one, while
the other was better pleased with the gift of man than that of God.
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