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41. Verily, Thou commandest that I should be continent from the
"lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of
life." T Thou hast commanded me to abstain from concubinage; and as
to marriage itself, Thou hast advised something better than Thou hast
allowed. And because Thou didst give it, it was done; and that
before I became a dispenser l of Thy sacrament. But there still
exist in my memory of which I have spoken much the images of such
things as my habits had fixed,there; and these rush into my thoughts,
though strengthless, when I am awake; but in sleep they do so not
only so as to give pleasure, but even to obtain consent, and what very
nearly resembles reality? Yea, to such an extent prevails the
illusion of the image, 'both in my soul and in my flesh, that the
false persuade me, when sleeping, unto that which the true are not
able when waking. Am I not myself at that time, 0 Lord my God?
And them is yet so much difference between myself and myself, in that
instant wherein I pass back from waking to sleeping, or return from
sleeping to waking! Where, then, is the reason which when waking
resists such suggestions? And if the things themselves be forced on
it, I remain unmoved. Is it shut up with the eyes? Or is it put to
sleep with the bodily senses? But whence, then, comes it to pass,
that even in slumber we often resist, and, bearing our purpose in
mind, and continuing most chastely in it, yield no assent to such
allurements? And there is yet so much difference that, when it
happeneth otherwise, upon awaking we return to peace of conscience;
and by this same diversity do we discover that it was not we that did
it, while we still feel sorry that in some way it was done in us.
42. Is not Thy hand able, O Almighty God, to heal all the
diseases of my soul,x and by Thy more abundant grace to quench even
the lascivious motions of my sleep? Thou wilt increase in me, O
Lord, Thy gifts more and more, that my soul may follow me to Thee,
disengaged from the bird-lime of concupiscence; that it 'may not be
in rebellion against itself, and even in dreams not simply not,
through sensual images, commit those deformities of corruption, even
to the pollution of the flesh, but that it may not even consent unto
them. For it is no great thing for the Almighty, who is "able to do
. . . above all that we ask or think, to bring it about that no such
influence not even so slight a one as a sign might restrain should
afford gratification to the chaste affection even of one sleeping; and
that not only in this life, but at my present age. But what I still
am in this species of my ill, have I confessed unto my good Lord;
rejoicing with tremblings in that which Thou hast given me, and
bewailing myself for that wherein I am still imperfect; trusting that
Thou wilt perfect Thy mercies in me, even to the fulness of peace,
which both that which is within and that which is withou. shall have
with Thee, when death is swallowed up in victory?
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