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5. But for what fruit do they desire this? Do they wish me
happiness when they learn how near, by Thy gift, I come unto Thee;
and to pray for me, when they learn how much I am kept back by my own
weight? To such will I declare myself. For it is no small fruit,
O Lord my God, that by many thanks should be given to Thee on our
behalf. and that by many Thou shouldest be entreated for us. Let the
fraternal soul love that in me which Thou teachest should be loved,
and lament that in me which Thou teachest should be lamented. Let a
fraternal and not an alien soul do this, nor that "of strange
children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right
hand of falsehood, but that fraternal one which, when it approves me,
rejoices for me, but when it disap proves me, is sorry for me;
because whether it approves or disapproves it loves me. To such will
I declare myself; let them breathe freely at my good deeds, and sigh
over my evil ones. My good deeds are Thy institutions and Thy
gifts, my evil ones are my delinquencies and Thy judgments? Let them
breathe freely at the one, and sigh over the other; and let hymns and
tears ascend into Thy sight out of the fraternal hearts Thy
censers. And do Thou, O Lord, who takest delight in the incense
of Thy holy temple, have mercy upon me according to Thy great mercy.
"for Thy name's sake;". and on no account leaving what Thou hast
begun in me, do Thou complete what is imperfect in me.
6. This is the fruit of my confessions, not of what I was, but of
what I am, that I may confess this not before Thee only, in a
secret exultation with trembling. and a secret sorrow with hope, but
in the ears also of the believing sons of men, partakers of my joy,
and sharers of my mortality, my fellow-citizens and the companions of
my pilgrimage, those who are gone before, and those that are to follow
after, and the comrades of my way. These are Thy servants, my
brethren, those whom Thou wish-est to be Thy sons; my masters,
whom Thou hast commanded me to serve, if I desire to live with and of
Thee. But this Thy word were little to me did it command in
speaking, without going before in acting. This then do I both in
deed and word, this I do under Thy wings, in too great danger, were
it not that my soul, under Thy wings, is subject unto Thee, and my
weakness known unto Thee. I am a little one, but my Father liveth
for ever, and my Defender is "sufficient. for me. For He is the
same who begat me and who defends me; and Thou Thyself art all my
good; even Thou, the Omnipotent, who art with me, and that before
I am with Thee. To such, therefore, whom Thou commandest me to
serve will I declare, not what I was, but what I now am, and what
I still am. But neither do I judge myself.. Thus then I would be
heard.
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