|
THE reason however which drives us into this error is that, as we are
utterly ignorant of the virtue of being without sin, we fancy that we
cannot contract any guilt from those idle and random vagaries of our
thoughts, but being rendered stupid by dullness and as it were smitten with
blindness we can see nothing in ourselves but capital offences, and think
that we have only to keep clear of those things which are condemned also by
the severity of secular laws, and if we find that even for a short time we
are free from these we at once imagine that there is no sin at all in us.
Accordingly we are distinguished from the number of those who see, because
we do not see the many small stains, which are crowded together in us, and
are not smitten with saving contrition, if the malady of vexation overtakes
our thoughts, nor are we sorry that we are struck by the suggestions of
vainglory, nor do we weep over our prayers offered up so tardily and
coldly, nor consider it a fault if while we are singing or praying,
something else besides the actual prayer or Psalm fills our thoughts, nor
are we horrified because we do not blush to conceive many things which we
are ashamed to speak or do before men, in our heart, which, as we know,
lies open to the Divine gaze; nor do we purge away the pollution of filthy
dreams with copious ablutions of our tears, nor grieve that in the pious
act of almsgiving when we are assisting the needs of the brethren, or
ministering support to the poor, the brightness of our cheerfulness is
clouded over by a stingy delay, nor do we think that we are affected by any
loss when we forget God and think about things that are temporal and
corrupt, so that these words of Solomon fairly apply to us: "They smite me
but I have not grieved, and they have mocked me, but I knew it not."
|
|