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WHAT are we doing? said he. For we see that we are involved in a great
difficulty and are in an evil plight, as reason itself and the life of the
saints is effectually teaching us what is the best thing for our progress
in the spiritual life, and yet our promise given to the Elders does not
allow us to choose what is helpful. For we might, by the examples of such
great men, be formed for a more perfect life and aim, were it not that the
terms of our promise compelled us to return at once to the monastery. But
if we return thither, we shall never get another chance of coming here
again. But if we stay here and choose to carry out our wishes, what becomes
of the faith of the oath which we are aware that we gave to our Elders
promising a speedy return; that we might be allowed to make a hasty round
of the monasteries and saints of this province? And when in this state of
tumult we could not make up our minds what we ought to decide on the state
of our salvation we simply testified by our groans the hard fate of our
condition, upbraiding the audacity of our impudence, and yet hating the
shame which was natural to us, weighed down by which we could not in any
other way resist the prayers of those who kept us back against our profit
and purpose, except by the promise of a speedy return, as we wept indeed
that we laboured under the fault of that shame, of which it is said "There
is a shame that bringeth sin."
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