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EPHESIANS v. 22-24.
"Wives, be in subjection unto your own
husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband
is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the
head of the Church: being Himself the Saviour
of the body. But as the Church is subject to
Christ, so let the wives also be to their
husbands in everything."
A CERTAIN wise man, setting down a
number of things in the rank of blessings, set
down this also in the rank of a blessing, "A
wife agreeing with her husband." (Ecclus.
xxv. 1.) And elsewhere again he sets it down
among blessings, that a woman should dwell in
harmony with her husband. (Ecclus. xl.
23.) And indeed from the beginning, God
appears to have made special provision for this
union; and discoursing of the twain as one, He
said thus, "Male and female created He them"
(Gen. i. 27); and again, "There is
neither male nor female." (Gal. iii.
28.) For there is no relationship between
man and man so close as that between man and
wife, if they be joined together as they should
be. And therefore a certain blessed man too,
when he would express surpassing love, and was
mourning for one that was dear to him, and of
one soul with him, did not mention father, nor
mother, nor child, nor brother, nor friend,
but what? "Thy love to me was wonderful,"
saith he, "passing the love of women." (2
Sam. i. 26.) For indeed, in very deed,
this love is more despotic than any despotism:
for others indeed may be strong, but this
passion is not only strong, but unfading. For
there is a certain love deeply seated in our
nature, which imperceptibly to ourselves knits
together these bodies of ours. Thus even from
the very beginning woman sprang from man, and
afterwards from man and woman sprang both man and
woman. Perceivest thou the close bond and
connection? And how that God suffered not a
different kind of nature to enter in from
without? And mark, how many providential
arrangements He made. He permitted the man to
marry his own sister; or rather not his sister,
but his daughter; nay, nor yet his daughter,
but something more than his daughter, even his
own flesh. And thus the whole He framed from
one beginning, gathering all together, like
stones in a building, into one. For neither on
the one hand did He form her from without, and
this was that the man might not feel towards her
as towards an alien; nor again did He confine
marriage to her, that she might not, by
contracting herself, and making all center in
herself, be cut off from the rest. Thus as in
the case of plants, they are of all others the
best, which have but a single stem, and spread
out into a number of branches; (since were all
confined to the root alone, all would be to no
purpose, whereas again had it a number of
roots, the tree would be no longer worthy of
admiration;) so, I say, is the case here
also. From one, namely Adam, He made the
whole race to spring, preventing them by the
strongest necessity from being ever torn
asunder, or separated; and afterwards, making
it more restricted, He no longer allowed
sisters and daughters to be wives, lest we
should on the other hand contract our love to one
point, and thus in another manner be cut off
from one another. Hence Christ said, "He
which made them from the beginning, made them
male and female." (Matt. xix. 4.)
For great evils are hence produced, and great
benefits, both to families and to states. For
there is nothing which so welds our life together
as the love of man and wife. For this many will
lay aside even their arms, for this they will
give up life itself. And Paul would never
without a reason and without an object have spent
so much pains on this subject, as when he says
here, "Wives, be in subjection unto your own
husbands, as unto the Lord." And why so?
Because when they are in harmony, the children
are well brought up, and the domestics are in
good order, and neighbors, and friends, and
relations enjoy the fragrance. But if it be
otherwise, all is turned upside down, and
thrown into confusion. And just as when the
generals of an army are at peace one with
another, all things are in due subordination,
whereas on the other hand, if they are at
variance, everything is turned upside down;
so, I say, is it also here. Wherefore,
saith he, "Wives, be in subjection unto your
own husbands, as unto the Lord."
Yet how strange! for how then is it, that it
is said elsewhere, "If one bid not farewell
both to wife and to husband, he cannot follow
me"? (Luke xiv.
26.) For if it is their duty to be in
subjection "as unto the Lord," how saith He
that they must depart from them for the Lord's
sake? Yet their duty indeed it is, their
bounden duty. But the word "as" is not
necessarily and universally expressive of exact
equality. He either means this, " 'as'
knowing that ye are servants to the Lord";
(which, by the way, is what he says
elsewhere, that, even though they do it not for
the husband's sake, yet must they primarily for
the Lord's sake;) or else he means, "when
thou obeyest thy husband, do so as serving the
Lord." For if he who resisteth these external
authorities, those of governments, I mean,
"withstandeth the ordinance of God" (Rom.
xiii. 2), much more does she who submits not
herself to her husband. Such was God's will
from the beginning.
Let us take as our fundamental position then
that the husband occupies the place of the
"head," and the wife the place of the
"body."
Ver. 23, 24. Then, he proceeds with
arguments and says that "the husband is the head
of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the
Church, being Himself the Saviour of the
body. But as the Church is subject to
Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands
in everything."
Then after saying, "The husband is the head
of the wife, as Christ also is of the
Church," he further adds, "and He is the
Saviour of the body." For indeed the head is
the saving health of the body. He had already
laid down beforehand for man and wife, the
ground and provision of their love, assigning to
each their proper place, to the one that of
authority and forethought, to the other that of
submission. As then "the Church," that is,
both husbands and wives, "is subject unto
Christ, so also ye wives submit yourselves to
your husbands, as unto God."
Ver. 25. "Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ also loved the Church."
Thou hast heard how great the submission; thou
hast extolled and marvelled at Paul, how, like
an admirable and spiritual man, he welds
together our whole life. Thou didst well. But
now hear what he also requires at thy hands; for
again he employs the same example.
"Husbands," saith he, "love your wives,
even as Christ also loved the Church."
Thou hast seen the measure of obedience, hear
also the measure of love. Wouldest thou have
thy wife obedient unto thee, as the Church is
to Christ? Take then thyself the same
provident care for her, as Christ takes for the
Church. Yea, even if it shall be needful for
thee to give thy life for her, yea, and to be
cut into pieces ten thousand times, yea, and to
endure and undergo any suffering
whatever,-refuse it not. Though thou
shouldest undergo all this, yet wilt thou not,
no, not even then, have done anything like
Christ. For thou indeed art doing it for one
to whom thou art already knit; but He for one
who turned her back on Him and hated Him. In
the same way then as He laid at His feet her
who turned her back on Him, who hated, and
spurned, and disdained Him, not by menaces,
nor by violence, nor by terror, nor by anything
else of the kind, but by his unwearied
affection; so also do thou behave thyself toward
thy wife. Yea, though thou see her looking
down upon thee, and disdaining, and scorning
thee, yet by thy great thoughtfulness for her,
by affection, by kindness, thou wilt be able to
lay her at thy feet. For there is nothing more
powerful to sway than these bonds, and
especially for husband and wife. A servant,
indeed, one will be able, perhaps, to bind
down by fear; nay not even him, for he will
soon start away and be gone. But the partner of
one's life, the mother of one's children, the
foundation of one's every joy, one ought never
to chain down by fear and menaces, but with love
and good temper. For what sort of union is
that, where the wife trembles at her husband?
And what sort of pleasure will the husband
himself enjoy, if he dwells with his wife as
with a slave, and not as with a free-woman?
Yea, though thou shouldest suffer anything on
her account, do not upbraid her; for neither
did Christ do this.
Ver. 26. "And gave Himself up," he
says, "for it, that He might sanctify and
cleanse it."
So then she was unclean! So then she had
blemishes, so then she was unsightly, so then
she was worthless! Whatsoever kind of wife thou
shalt take, yet shalt thou never take such a
bride as the Church, when Christ took her,
nor one so far removed from thee as the Church
was from Christ, And yet for all that, He
did not abhor her, nor loathe her for her
surpassing deformity. Wouldest thou hear her
deformity described? Hear what Paul saith,
"For ye were once darkness." (Eph. v.
8.) Didst thou see the blackness of her hue?
What blacker than darkness? But look again at
her boldness, "living," saith he, "in
malice and envy." (Tit. iii. 3.) Look
again at her impurity; "disobedient,
foolish." But what am I saying? She was
both foolish, and of an evil tongue; and yet
notwithstanding, though so many were her
blemishes, yet did He give Himself up for her
in her deformity, as for one in the bloom of
youth, as for one dearly be loved, as for one
of wonderful beauty. And it was in admiration
of this that Paul said, "For scarcely for a
righteous man will one die (Rom. v. 7);
and again, "in that while we were yet sinners,
Christ died for us." (Rom. v. 8.) And
though such as this, He took her, He arrayed
her in beauty, and washed her, and refused not
even this, to give Himself for her.
Ver. 26, 27. "That He might sanctify
it having cleansed it," he proceeds, "by the
washing of water with the word; that He might
present the Church to Himself a glorious
Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any
such thing, but that it should be holy and
without blemish."
"By the washing or layer" He washeth her
uncleanness. "By the word," saith he. What
word? "In the Name of the Father, and of
the Son, and of the Holy Ghost." (Matt.
xxviii. 19.) And not simply hath He
adorned her, but hath made her "glorious, not
having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing."
Let us then also seek after this beauty
ourselves, and we shall be able to create it.
Seek not thou at thy wife's hand, things which
she is not able to possess. Seest thou that the
Church had all things at her Lord's hands?
By Him was made glorious, by Him was made
pure, by Him made without blemish? Turn not
thy back on thy wife because of her deformity.
Hear the Scripture that saith, "The bee is
little among such as fly, but her fruit is the
chief of sweet things." (Ecclus. xi. 3.)
She is of God's fashioning. Thou reproachest
not her, but Him that made her; what can the
woman do? Praise her not for her beauty.
Praise and hatred and love based on personal
beauty belong to unchastened souls. Seek thou
for beauty of soul. Imitate the Bridegroom of
the Church. Outward beauty is full of conceit
and great license, and throws men into
jealousy, and the thing often makes thee suspect
monstrous things. But has it any pleasure?
For the first or second month, perhaps, or at
most for the year: but then no longer; the
admiration by familiarity wastes away.
Meanwhile the evils which arose from the beauty
still abide, the pride, the folly, the
contemptuousness.
Whereas in one who is not such, there is
nothing of this kind. But the love having begun
on just grounds, still continues ardent, since
its object is beauty of soul, and not of body.
What better, tell me, than heaven? What
better than the stars? Tell me of what body you
will, yet is there none so fair. Tell me of
what eyes you will, yet are there none so
sparkling. When these were created, the very
Angels gazed with wonder, and we gaze with
wonder now; yet not in the same degree as at
first. Such is familiarity; things do not
strike us in the same degree. How much more in
the case of a wife! And if moreover disease
come too, all is at once fled. Let us seek in
a wife affectionateness, modest-mindedness,
gentleness; these are the characteristics of
beauty. But loveliness of person let us not
seek, nor upbraid her upon these points, over
which she has no power, nay, rather, let us
not upbraid at all, (it were rudeness,) nor
let us be impatient, nor sullen. Do ye not see
how many, after living with beautiful wives,
have ended their lives pitiably, and how many,
who have lived with those of no great beauty,
have run on to extreme old age with great
enjoyment. Let us wipe off the "spot" that is
within, let us smooth the "wrinkles" that are
within, let us do away the "blemishes" that
are on the soul. Such is the beauty God
requires. Let us make her fair in God's
sight, not in our own. Let us not look for
wealth, nor for that high-birth which is
outward, but for that true nobility which is in
the soul. Let no one endure to get rich by a
wife; for such riches are base and disgraceful;
no, by no means let any one seek to get rich
from this source.
"For they that desire to be rich, fall into a
temptation and a snare, and many foolish and
hurtful lusts, and into destruction and
perdition." (1 Tim. vi. 9.) Seek not
therefore in thy wife abundance of wealth, and
thou shall find everything else go well. Who,
tell me, would overlook the most important
things, to attend to those which are less so?
And yet, alas! this is in every case our
feeling. Yes, if we have a son, we concern
ourselves not how he may be made virtuous, but
how we may get him a rich wife; not how he may
be well-mannered, but well-monied: if we
follow a business, we enquire not how it may be
clear of sin, but how it may bring us in most
profit. And everything has become money; and
thus is everything corrupted and ruined, because
that passion possesses us.
Ver. 28. "Even so ought husbands to love
their own wives," saith he, "as their own
bodies."
What, again, means this? To how much greater
a similitude, and stronger example has he come;
and not only so, but also to one how much nearer
and clearer, and to a fresh obligation. For
that other one was of no very constraining
force, for He was Christ, and was God, and
gave Himself. He now manages his argument on a
different ground, saying, "so ought men ";
because the thing is not a favor, but a debt.
Then, "as their own bodies." And why?
Ver. 29. "For no man ever hated his own
flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it."
That is, tends it with exceeding care. And
how is she his flesh? Hearken; "This now is
bone of my bones," saith Adam, "and flesh of
my flesh." (Gen. ii. 23.) For she is
made of matter taken from us. And not only so,
but also, "they shall be," saith God, "one
flesh." (Gen. ii. 24.)
"Even as Christ also the Church." Here he
returns to the former example.
Ver. 30. "Because we are members of His
body, of His flesh and of His bones."
Ver. 31. "For this cause shall a man leave
his father and mother, and shall cleave to his
wife, and the twain shall become one flesh."
Behold again a third ground of obligation; for
he shows that a man leaving them that begat him,
and from whom he was born, is knit to his wife;
and that then the one flesh is, father, and
mother, and the child, from the substance of
the two commingled. For indeed by the
commingling of their seeds is the child
produced, so that the three are one flesh.
Thus then are we in relation to Christ; we
become one flesh by participation, and we much
more than the child. And why and how so?
Because so it has been from the beginning.
Tell me not that such and such things are so.
Seest thou not that we have in our own flesh
itself many defects? For one man, for
instance, is lame, another has his feet
distorted, another his hands withered, another
some other member weak; and yet nevertheless he
does not grieve at it, nor cut it off, but
oftentimes prefers it even to the other.
Naturally enough; for it is part of himself.
As great love as each entertains towards
himself, so great he would have us entertain
towards a wife. Not because we partake of the
same nature; no, this ground of duty towards a
wife is far greater than that; it is that there
are not two bodies but one; he the head, she
the body. And how saith he elsewhere "and the
Head of Christ is God "? (1 Cor. xi.
3.) This I too say, that as we are one
body, so also are Christ and the Father One.
And thus then is the Father also found to be
our Head. He sets down two examples, that of
the natural body and that of Christ's body.
And hence he further adds, Ver. 32.
"This is great mystery: but I speak in regard
of Christ and of the Church."
Why does he call it a great mystery? That it
was something great and wonderful, the blessed
Moses, or rather God, intimated. For the
present, however, saith he, I speak regarding
Christ, that having left the Father, He came
down, and came to the Bride, and became one
Spirit. "For he that is joined unto the Lord
is one Spirit." (1 Cor. vi. 17.) And
well saith he, "it is a great mystery." And
then as though he were saying, "But still
nevertheless the allegory does not destroy
affection," he adds, Ver. 33.
"Nevertheless do ye also severally love each
one his own wife even as himself; and let the
wife see that she fear her husband."
For indeed, in very deed, a mystery it is,
yea, a great mystery, that a man should leave
him that gave him being, him that begat him,
and that brought him up, and her that travailed
with him and had sorrow, those that have
bestowed upon him so many and great benefits,
those with whom he has been in familiar
intercourse, and be joined to one who was never
even seen by him and who has nothing in common
with him, and should honor her before all
others. A mystery it is indeed. And yet are
parents not distressed when these events take
place, but rather, when they do not take
place; and are delighted when their wealth is
spent and lavished upon it.-A great mystery
indeed! and one that contains some hidden
wisdom. Such Moses prophetically showed it to
be from the very first; such now also Paul
proclaims it, where he saith, "concerning
Christ and the Church."
However not for the husband's sake alone it is
thus said, but for the wife's sake also, that
"he cherish her as his own flesh, as Christ
also the Church," and, "that the wife fear
her husband." He is no longer setting down the
duties of love only, but what? "That she fear
her husband." The wife is a second authority;
let not her then demand equality, for. she is
under the head; nor let him despise her as being
in subjection, for she is the body; and if the
head despise the body, it will itself also
perish. But let him bring in love on his part
as a counterpoise to obedience on her part. For
example, let the hands and the feet, and all
the rest of the members be given up for service
to the head, but let the head provide for the
body, seeing it contains every sense in itself.
Nothing can be better than this union.
And yet how can there ever be love, one may
say, where there is fear? It will exist
there, I say, preeminently. For she that
fears and reverences, loves also; and she that
loves, fears and reverences him as being the
head, and loves him as being a member, since
the head itself is a member of the body at
large. Hence he places the one in subjection,
and the other in authority, that there may be
peace; for where there is equal authority there
can never be peace; neither where a house is a
democracy, nor where all are rulers; but the
ruling power must of necessity be one. And this
is universally the case with matters referring to
the body, inasmuch as when men are spiritual,
there will be peace. There were "five thousand
souls," and not one of them said, "that aught
of the things which he possessed was his own"
(Acts iv. 32), but they were subject one
to another; an indication this of wisdom, and
of the fear of God. The principle of love,
however, he explains; that of fear he does
not. And mark, how on that of love he
enlarges, stating the arguments relating to
Christ and those relating to one's own flesh,
the words," For this cause shall a man leave
his father and mother." (Ver. 31.)
Whereas upon those drawn from fear he forbears
to enlarge. And why so? Because he would
rather that this principle prevail, this,
namely, of love; for where this exists,
everything else follows of course, but where the
other exists, not necessarily. For the man who
loves his wife, even though she be not a very
obedient one, still will bear with everything.
So difficult and impracticable is unanimity,
where persons are not bound together by that love
which is founder in supreme authority; at all
events, fear will not necessarily effect this.
Accordingly, he dwells the more upon this,
which is the strong tie. And the wife though
seeming to be the loser in that she was charged
to fear, is the gainer, because the principal
duty, love, is charged upon the husband.
"But what," one may say, "if a wife
reverence me not?" Never mind, thou art to
love, fulfill thine own duty. For though that
which is due from others may not follow, we
ought of course to do our duty. This is an
example of what I mean. He says, "submitting
yourselves one to another in the fear of
Christ." And what then if another submit not
himself? Still obey thou the law of God.
Just so, I say, is it also here. Let the
wife at least, though she be not loved, still
reverence notwithstanding, that nothing may lie
at her door; and let the husband, though his
wife reverence him not, still show her love
notwithstanding, that he himself be not wanting
in any point. For each has received his own.
This then is marriage when it takes place
according to Christ, spiritual marriage, and
spiritual birth, not of blood, nor of travail,
nor of the will of the flesh. Such was the
birth of Christ, not of blood, nor of
travail. Such also was that of Isaac. Hear
how the Scripture saith, "And it ceased to be
with Sarah after the manner of women."
(Gen. xviii. 11.) Yea, a marriage it
is, not of passion, nor of the flesh, but
wholly spiritual, the soul being united to God
by a union unspeakable, and which He alone
knoweth. Therefore he saith, "He that is
joined unto the Lord is one spirit." (1
Cor. vi. 17.) Mark how earnestly he
endeavors to unite both flesh with flesh, and
spirit with spirit. And where are the
heretics? Never surely, if marriage were a
thing to be condemned, would he have called
Christ and the Church a bride and bridegroom;
never would he have brought forward by way of
exhortation the words, "A man shall leave his
father and his mother "; and again have added,
that it was "spoken in regard of Christ and of
the Church." For of her it is that the
Psalmist also saith, "Hearken, O daughter,
and consider, and incline thine ear; forget
also thine own people, and thy father's house.
So shall the king desire thy beauty." (Ps.
xlv. 10, 11.) Therefore also Christ
saith, "I came out from the Father, and am
come." (John xvi. 28.) But when I
say, that He left the Father, imagine not
such a thing as happens among men, a change of
place; for just in the same way as the word "go
forth" is used, not because He literally came
forth, but because of His incarnation, so also
is the expression, "He left the Father."
Now why did he not say of the wife also, She
shall be joined unto her husband? Why, I
say, is this? Because he was discoursing
concerning love, and was discoursing to the
husband. For to her indeed be discourses
concerning reverence, and says, "the husband
is the head of the wife" (ver. 23), and
again, "Christ is the Head of the Church."
Whereas to him he discourses concerning love,
and commits to him this province of love, and
declares to him that which pertains to love,
thus binding him and cementing him to her. For
the man that leaves his father for the sake of
his wife, and then again, leaves this very wife
herself and abandons her, what forbearance can
he deserve?
Seest thou not how great a share of honor God
would have her enjoy, in that he hath taken thee
away from thy father, and hath linked thee to
her? What then, a man may say, if our duty is
done, and yet she does not follow the example?
"Yet if the unbelieving departeth, let him
depart; the brother or the sister is not under
bondage in such cases." (1 Cor. vii.
15.)
However, when thou hearest of "fear," demand
that fear which becomes a free woman, not as
though thou wert exacting it of a slave. For
she is thine own body; and if thou do this,
thou reproachest thyself in dishonoring thine own
body. And of what nature is this "fear"? It
is the not contradicting, the not rebelling,
the not being fond of the pre minence. It is
enough that fear be kept within these bounds.
But if thou love, as thou art commanded, thou
wilt make it yet greater. Or rather it will not
be any longer by fear that thou wilt be doing
this, but love itself will have its effect.
The sex is somehow weaker, and needs much
support, much condescension.
But what will they say, who are knit together
in second marriages? I speak not at all in
condemnation of them, God forbid; for the
Apostle himself permits them, though indeed by
way of condescension.
Supply her with everything. Do everything and
endure trouble for her sake.
Necessity is laid upon thee.
Here he does not think it right to introduce his
counsel, as he in many cases does, with
examples from them that are without. That of
Christ, so great and forcible, were alone
enough; and more especially as regards the
argument of subjection. "A man shall leave,"
he saith, "his father and mother." Behold,
this then is from without. But he does not
say, and "shall dwell with," but "shall
cleave unto," thus showing the closeness of the
union, and the fervent love. Nay, he is not
content with this, but further by what he adds,
he explains the subjection in such a way as that
the twain appear no longer twain. He does not
say, "one spirit," he does not say, "one
soul" (for that is manifest, and is possible
to any one), but so as to be "one flesh."
She is a second authority, possessing indeed an
authority, and a considerable equality of
dignity; but at the same time the husband has
somewhat of superiority. In this consists most
chiefly the well-being of the house. For he
took that former argument, the example of
Christ, to show that we ought not only to
love, but also to govern; "that she may be,"
saith he, "holy and without blemish." But
the word "flesh" has reference to love-and
the word "shall cleave" has in like manner
reference to love. For if thou shalt make her
"holy and without blemish," everything else
will follow. Seek the things which are of
God, and those which are of man will follow
readily enough. Govern thy wife, and thus will
the whole house be in harmony. Hear what Paul
saith. "And if they would learn any thing,
let them ask their own husbands at home." (1
Cor. xiv. 35.) If we thus regulate our
own houses, we shall be also fit for the
management of the Church. For indeed a house
is a little Church. Thus it is possible for us
by becoming good husbands and wives, to surpass
all others.
Consider Abraham, and Sarah, and Isaac,
and the three hundred and eighteen born in his
house. (Gen. xiv. 14.) How the whole
house was harmoniously knit together, how the
whole was full of piety and fulfilled the
Apostolic injunction. She also "reverenced
her husband"; for hear her own words, "It
hath not yet happened unto me even until now,
and my lord is old also." (Gen. xviii.
12.) And he again so loved her, that in all
things he obeyed her commands. And the young
child was virtuous, and the servants born in the
house, they too were so excellent that they
refused not even to hazard their lives with their
master; they delayed not, nor asked the
reason. Nay, one of them, the chief, was so
admirable, that he was even entrusted with the
marriage of the only-begotten child, and with a
journey into a foreign country. (Gen. xxiv.
1-67.) For just as with a general, when
his soldiery also is well organized, the enemy
has no quarter to attack; so, I say, is it
also here: when husband and wife and children
and servants are all interested in the same
things, great is the harmony of the house.
Since where this is not the case, the whole is
oftentimes overthrown and broken up by one bad
servant; and that single one will often mar and
utterly destroy the whole.
MORAL. Let us then be very thoughtful both
for our wives, and children, and servants;
knowing that we shall thus be establishing for
ourselves an easy government, and shall have our
accounts with them gentle and lenient, and say,
"Behold I, and the children which God hath
given me." (Isa. viii. 18.) If the
husband command respect, and the head be
honorable, then will the rest of the body
sustain no violence. Now what is the wife's
fitting behavior, and what the husband's, he
states accurately, charging her to reverence him
as the head, and him to love her as a wife; but
how, it may be said, can these things be?
That they ought indeed so to be, he has
proved. But how they can be so, I will tell
you. They will be so, if we will despise
money, if we will look but to one thing only,
excellence of soul, if we will keep the fear of
God before our eyes. For what he says in his
discourse to servants, "whatsoever any man
doeth, whether it be good or evil, the same
shall he receive of the Lord"
(Eph. vi. 8); this is also the case here.
Love her therefore not for her sake so much as
for Christ's sake. This, at least, he as
much as intimates, in saying, "as unto the
Lord." So then do everything, as in
obedience to the Lord, and as doing everything
for His sake. This were enough to induce and
to persuade us, and not to suffer that there
should be any teasing and dissension. Let none
be believed when slandering the husband to his
wife; no, nor let the husband believe anything
at random against the wife, nor let the wife be
without reason inquisitive about his goings out
and his comings in. No, nor on any account let
the husband ever render himself worthy of any
suspicion whatever. For what, tell me, what
if thou shall devote thyself all the day to thy
friends, and give the evening to thy wife, and
not even thus be able to content her, and place
her out of reach of suspicion?
Though thy wife complain, yet be not
annoyed-it is her love, not her folly-they
are the complaints of fervent attachment, and
burning affection, and fear. Yes, she is
afraid lest any one have stolen her marriage
bed, lest any one have injured her in that which
is the summit of her blessings, lest any one
have taken away from her him who is her head,
lest any one have broken through her marriage
chamber.
There is also another ground of petty jealousy.
Let neither claim too much service of the
servants, neither the husband from the
maid-servant, nor the wife from the
man-servant. For these things also are enough
to beget suspicion. For consider, I say,
that righteous household I spoke of. Sarah
herself bade the patriarch take Hagar. She
herself directed it, no one compelled her, nor
did the husband attempt it; no, although he had
dragged on so long a period childless, yet he
chose never to become a father, rather than to
grieve his wife. And yet even after all this,
what said Sarah? "The Lord judge between me
and thee." (Gen. xvi. 5.) Now, I
say, had he been any one else would he not have
been moved to anger? Would he not also have
stretched forth his hand, saying as it were,
"What meanest thou? I had no desire to have
anything to do with the woman; it was all thine
own doing; and dost thou turn again and accuse
me?"-But no, he says nothing of the
sort;-but what? "Behold, thy maid is in
thy hand; do to her that which is good in thine
eyes." (Gen. xvi. 6.) He delivered up
the partner of his bed, that he might not grieve
Sarah. And yet surely is there nothing greater
than this for producing affection. For if
partaking of the same table produces unanimity
even in robbers towards their foes, (and the
Psalmist saith, "Who didst eat sweet food at
the same table with me"); much more will the
becoming one flesh-for such is the being the
partner of the bed-be effectual to draw us
together. Yet did none of these things avail to
overcome him; but he delivered Hagar up to his
wife, to show that nothing had been done by his
own fault. Nay, and what is more, he sent her
forth when with child. Who would not have
pitied one that had conceived a child by
himself? Yet was the just man unmoved, for he
set before everything else the love he owed his
wife.
Let us then imitate him ourselves. Let no one
reproach his neighbor with his poverty; let no
one be in love with money; and then all
difficulties will be at an end.
Neither let a wife say to her husband,
"Unmanly coward that thou art, full of
sluggishness and dullness, and fast asleep!
here is such a one, a low man, and of low
parentage, who runs his risks, and makes his
voyages, and has made a good fortune; and his
wife wears her jewels, and goes out with her
pair of milk-white mules; she rides about
everywhere, she has troops of slaves, and a
swarm of eunuchs, but thou hast cowered down and
livest to no purpose." Let not a wife say
these things, nor anything like them. For she
is the body, not to dictate to the head, but to
submit herself and obey. "But how," some one
will say, "is she to endure poverty? Where is
she to look for consolation?" Let her select
and put beside her those who are poorer still.
Let her again consider how many noble and
high-born maidens have not only received nothing
of their husbands, but have even given dowries
to them, and have spent their all upon them.
Let her reflect on the perils which arise from
such riches, and she will cling to this quiet
life. In short, if she is affectionately
disposed towards her husband, she will utter
nothing of the sort. No, she will rather
choose to have him near her, though gaining
nothing, than gaining ten thousand talents of
gold, accompanied with that care and anxiety
which always arise to wives from those distant
voyages.
Neither, however, let the husband, when he
hears these things, on the score of his having
the supreme authority, betake himself to
revilings and to blows; but let him exhort, let
him admonish her, as being less perfect, let
him persuade her with arguments. Let him never
once lift his hand,-far be this from a noble
spirit,-no, nor give expression to insults,
or taunts, or revilings; but let him regulate
and direct her as being wanting in wisdom. Yet
how shall this be done? If she be instructed in
the true riches, in the heavenly philosophy,
she will make no complaints like these. Let him
teach her then, that poverty is no evil. Let
him teach her, not by what he says only, but
also by what he does. Let him teach her to
despise glory; and then his wife will speak of
nothing, and will desire nothing of the kind.
Let him, as if he had an image given into his
hands to mould, let him, from that very evening
on which he first receives her into the bridal
chamber, teach her temperance, gentleness, and
how to live, casting down the love of money at
once from the outset, and from the very
threshold. Let him discipline her in wisdom,
and advise her never to have bits of gold hanging
at her ears, and down her cheeks, and laid
round about her neck, nor laid up about the
chamber, nor golden and costly garments stored
up. But let her chamber be handsome, still let
not what is handsome degenerate into finery.
No, leave these things to the people of the
stage. Adorn thine house thyself with all
possible neatness, so as rather to breathe an
air of soberness than much perfume. For hence
will arise two or three good results. First
then, the bride will not be grieved, when the
apartments are opened, and the tissues, and the
golden ornaments, and silver vessels, are sent
back to their several owners. Next, the
bridegroom will have no anxiety about the loss,
nor for the security of the accumulated
treasures. Thirdly again, in addition to
this, which is the crown of all these benefits,
by these very points he will be showing his own
judgment, that indeed he has no pleasure in any
of these things, and that he will moreover put
an end to everything else in keeping with them,
and will never so much as allow the existence
either of dances, or of immodest songs. I am
aware that I shall appear perhaps ridiculous to
many persons, in giving such admonitions.
Still nevertheless, if ye will but listen to
me, as time goes on, and the benefit of the
practice accrues to you, then ye will understand
the advantage of it. And the laughter will pass
off, and ye will laugh at the present fashion,
and will see that the present practice is really
that of silly children and of drunken men.
Whereas what I recommend is the part of
soberness, and wisdom, and of the sublimest way
of life. What then do I say is our duty?
Take away from marriage all those shameful,
those Satanic, those immodest songs, those
companies of profligate young people, and this
will avail to chasten the spirit of thy bride.
For she will at once thus reason with herself;
"Wonderful! What a philosopher this man is!
he regards the present life as nothing, he has
brought me here into his house, to be a mother,
to bring up his children, to manage his
household affairs." "Yes, but these things
are distasteful to a bride?" Just for the
first or second day;-but not afterwards;
nay, she will even reap from them the greatest
delight, and relieve herself of all suspicion.
For a man who can endure neither
flute-players, nor dancers, nor broken songs,
and that too at the very time of his wedding,
that man will scarcely endure ever to do or say
anything shameful. And then after this, when
thou hast stripped the marriage of all these
things, then take her, and form and mould her
carefully, encouraging her bashfulness to a
considerable length of time, and not destroying
it suddenly. For even if the damsel be very
bold, yet for a time she will keep silence out
of reverence for her husband, and feeling
herself a novice in the circumstances. Thou
then break not off this reserve too hastily, as
unchaste husbands do, but encourage it for a
long time. For this will be a great advantage
to thee. Meanwhile she will not complain, she
will not find fault with any laws thou mayest
frame for her. During that time therefore,
during which shame, like a sort of bridle laid
upon the soul, suffers her not to make any
murmur, nor to complain of what is done, lay
down all thy laws.
For as soon as ever she acquires boldness, she
will overturn and confound everything without any
sense of fear. When is there then another time
so advantageous for moulding a wife, as that
during which she reverences her husband, and is
still timid, and still shy? Then lay down all
thy laws for her, and willing or unwilling, she
will certainly obey them. But how shalt thou
help spoiling her modesty? By showing her that
thou thyself art no less modest than she is,
addressing to her but few words, and those too
with great gravity and collectedness. Then
entrust her with the discourses of wisdom, for
her soul will receive them. And establish her
in that loveliest habit, I mean modesty. If
you wish me, I will also tell you by way of
specimen, what sort of language should be
addressed to her. For if Paul shrank not from
saying, "Defraud ye not one the other" (2
Cor. vii. 5), and spoke the language of a
bridesmaid, or rather not of a bridesmaid, but
of a spiritual soul, much more will not we
shrink from speaking. What then is the language
we ought to address to her? With great delicacy
then we may say to her, "I have taken thee,
my child, to be partner of my life, and have
brought thee in to share with me in the closest
and most honorable ties, in my children, and
the superintendence of my house. And what
advice then shall I now recommend thee?"
But rather, first talk with her of your love
for her; for there is nothing that so
contributes to persuade a hearer to admit
sincerely the things that are said, as to be
assured that they are said with hearty
affection. How then art thou to show that
affection? By saying, "when it was in my
power to take many to wife, both with better
fortunes, and of noble family, I did not so
choose, but I was enamoured of thee, and thy
beautiful life, thy modesty, thy gentleness,
and soberness of mind." Then immediately from
these beginnings open the way to your discourse
on true wisdom, and with some circumlocution
make a protest against riches. For if you
direct your argument at once against riches, you
will bear too heavily upon her; but if you do it
by taking an occasion, you will succeed
entirely. For you will appear to be doing it in
the way of an apology, not as a morose sort of
person, and ungracious, and over-nice about
trifles. But when you take occasion from what
relates to herself, she will be even pleased.
You will say then, (for I must now take up
the discourse again,) that "whereas I might
have married a rich woman, and with good
fortune, I could not endure it. And why so?
Not capriciously, and without reason; but I
was taught well and truly, that money is no real
possession, but a most despicable thing, a
thing which moreover belongs as well to thieves,
and to harlots, and to grave-robbers. So I
gave up these things, and went on till I fell
in with the excellence of thy soul, which I
value above all gold. For a young damsel who is
discreet and ingenuous, and whose heart is set
on piety, is worth the whole world. For these
reasons then, I courted thee, and I love
thee, and prefer thee to my own soul. For the
present life is nothing. And I pray, and
beseech, and do all I can, that we may be
counted worthy so to live this present life, as
that we may be able also there in the world to
come to be united to one another in perfect
security. For our time here is brief and
fleeting. But if we shall be counted worthy by
having pleased God to so exchange this life for
that one, then shall we ever be both with
Christ and with each other, with more abundant
pleasure. I value thy affection above all
things, and nothing is so bitter or so painful
to me, as ever to be at variance with thee.
Yes, though it should be my lot to lose my
all, and to become poorer than Irus, and
undergo the extremest hazards, and suffer any
pain whatsoever, all will be tolerable and
endurable, so long as thy feelings are true
towards me. And then will my children be most
dear to me, whilst thou art affectionately
disposed towards me. But thou must do these
duties too." Then mingle also with your
discourse the Apostle's words, that "thus
God would have our affections blended together;
for listen to the Scripture, which saith,
'For this cause shall a man leave his father
and mother, and cleave to his wife.' Let us
have no pretext for narrow-minded jealousy.
Perish riches, and retinue of slaves, and all
your outward pomps. To me this is more valuable
than all." What weight of gold, what amount
of treasures, are so dear to a wife as these
words? Never fear that because she is beloved
she will ever rave against thee, but confess
that thou lovest her. For courtezans indeed,
who now attach themselves to one and now to
another, would naturally enough feel contempt
towards their lovers, should they hear such
expressions as these; but a free-born wife or a
noble damsel would never be so affected with such
words; no, she will be so much the more
subdued. Show her too, that you set a high
value on her company, and that you are more
desirous to be at home for her sake, than in the
market-place. And esteem her before all your
friends, and above the children that are born of
her, and let these very children be beloved by
thee for her sake. If she does any good act,
praise and admire it; if any foolish one, and
such as girls may chance to do, advise her and
remind her. Condemn out and out all riches and
extravagance, and gently point out the ornament
that there is in neatness and in modesty; and be
continually teaching her the things that are
profitable.
Let your prayers be common. Let each go to
Church; and let the husband ask his wife at
home, and she again ask her husband, the
account of the things which were said and read
there. If any poverty should overtake you,
cite the case of those holy men, Paul and
Peter, who were more honored than any kings or
rich men; and yet how they spent their lives,
in hunger and in thirst. Teach her that there
is nothing in life that is to be feared, save
only offending against God. If any marry
thus, with these views, he will be but little
inferior to monks; the married but little below
the unmarried.
If thou hast a mind to give dinners, and to
make entertainments, let there be nothing
immodest, nothing disorderly. If thou
shouldest find any poor saint able to bless your
house, able only just by setting his foot in it
to bring in the whole blessing of God, invite
him. And shalt I say moreover another thing?
Let no one of you make it his endeavor to marry
a rich woman, but much rather a poor one. When
she comes in, she will not bring so great a
source of pleasure from her riches, as she will
annoyance from her taunts, from her demanding
more than she brought, from her insolence, her
extravagance, her vexatious language. For she
will say perhaps, "I have not yet spent
anything of thine, I am still wearing my own
apparel, bought with what my parents settled
upon me." What sayest thou, O woman? Still
wearing thine own! And what can be more
miserable than this language? Why, thou hast
no longer a body of thine own, and hast thou
money of thine own? After marriage ye are no
longer twain, but are become one flesh, and are
then your possessions twain, and not one? Oh!
this love of money! Ye both are become one
man, one living creature; and dost thou still
say "mine own"? Cursed and abominable word
that it is, it was brought in by the devil.
Things far nearer and dearer to us than these
hath God made all common to us, and are these
then not common? We cannot say, "my own
light, my own sun, my own water": all our
greater blessings are common, and are riches not
common? Perish the riches ten thousand times
over! Or rather not the riches, but those
tempers of mind which know not how to make use of
riches, but esteem them above all things.
Teach her these lessons also with the rest, but
with much graciousness. For since the
recommendation of virtue has in itself much that
is stern, and especially to a young and tender
damsel, whenever discourses on true wisdom are
to be made, contrive that your manner be full of
grace and kindness. And above all banish this
notion from her soul, of "mine and thine."
If she say the word "mine," say unto her,
"What things dost thou call thine? For in
truth I know not; I for my part have nothing
of mine own. How then speakest thou of
'mine,' when all things are thine?" Freely
grant her the word. Dost thou not perceive that
such is our practice with children? When,
whilst we are holding anything, a child snatches
it, and wishes again to get hold of some other
thing, we allow it, and say, "Yes, and this
is thine, and that is thine." The same also
let us do with a wife; for her temper is more or
less like a child's; and if she says "mine,"
say, "why, everything is thine, and I am
thine." Nor is the expression one of
flattery, but of exceeding wisdom. Thus wilt
thou be able to abate her wrath, and put an end
to her disappointment. For it is flattery when
a man does an unworthy act with an evil object:
whereas this is the highest philosophy. Say
then, "Even I am thine, my child; this
advice Paul gives me where he says, ' The
husband hath not power over his own body, but
the wife.' (1 Cor. vii. 4.) If I have
no power over my body, but thou hast, much more
hast thou over my possessions." By saying
these things thou wilt have quieted her, thou
wilt have quenched the fire, thou wilt have
shamed the devil, thou wilt have made her more
thy slave than one bought with money, with this
language thou wilt have bound her fast. Thus
then, by thine own language, teach her never to
speak of "mine and thine." And again, never
call her simply by her name, but with terms of
endearment, with honor, with much love. Honor
her, and she will not need honor from others;
she will not want the glory that comes from
others, if she enjoys that which comes from
thee. Prefer her before all, on every
account, both for her beauty and her
discernment, and praise her. Thou wilt thus
persuade her to give heed to none that are
without, but to scorn all the world except
thyself. Teach her the fear of God, and all
good things will flow from this as from a
fountain, and the house will be full of ten
thousand blessings. If we seek the things that
are incorruptible, these corruptible things will
follow. "For," saith He, "seek first His
kingdom, and all these things shall be added
unto you." (Matt. vi. 33.) What sort
of persons, think you, must the children of
such parents be? What the servants of such
masters? What all others who come near them?
Will not they too eventually be loaded with
blessings out of number? For generally the
servants also have their characters formed after
their master's, and are fashioned after their
humors, love the same objects, which they have
been taught to love, speak the same language,
and engage with them in the same pursuits. If
thus we regulate ourselves, and attentively
study the Scriptures, in most things we shall
derive instruction from them. And thus shall be
able to please God, and to pass through the
whole of the present life virtuously, and to
attain those blessings which are promised to
those that love Him, of which God grant that
we may all be counted worthy, through the grace
and lovingkindness of our Lord Jesus Christ,
with Whom, together with the Holy Ghost, be
unto the Father, glory, power, and honor,
now, and ever, through all ages. Amen.
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